I had a moment yesterday. A moment, a long moment, actually, where I totally and completely forgot that food was a necessary ingredient for staying alive.
I. Actually. Forgot. To. Eat.
This, my dear friends is a complete breakthrough. Unfortunately, when I finally “remembered” that I needed to eat, it was after 10pm and I was feeling incredibly sick. And that’s when it happened. My mom, with the best of intentions, opened up in a tirade about how I’m starving myself and how there’s no way this kind of eating could be good for me. I agreed with her. “You’re right. The way I ignored my body today is totally bad for me and I shouldn’t have done it.” I tried to point out to her that I’ve never done this before and that, for all intents and purposes, this was a cause for celebration (but not until I’d had something to eat), but she wan’t going to hear it. “If you’re going to insist on eating less than an infant, you need to make sure you’re eating more frequently.” No, I don’t think so.
Yes, I am eating a very small amount of food every day. But I rarely get hungry to the point that I am even shaking. Once I feel real, true hunger, I make a point to eat within an hour of that feeling. Yesterday, though, I was very busy and simply forgot that my body had asked for food hours before. I went over 12 hours without eating, and for me to do that without sleeping for the greatest portion of it is just amazing. No, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. It was a reminder that this system God put in me is perfect and that to be obedient to that system is to be obedient to Him. However, the fact that I could forget about it and not obsess over when I was going to get my next meal and what it would include is truly a mental breakthrough for me. So, in the same breath that I’m praising God for this healing, I’m repenting for ignoring His signals to eat! Never in a million years did I think that this could happen for me.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I’m also catching some flack from The Mother over the changes I’m making in my personal doctrine. In this area, though, there’s nothing specific I can point to for why I feel this way. I know she doesn’t agree with me on most of the points I bring up to her. I don’t expect her to, nor to I browbeat her with everything I’ve learned in the past couple of months. Sometimes, I read something that moves me to share, but it’s usually historical information on the first century “church.”
Like I said, there’s nothing that’s really specific for my feelings that she disapproves, but there are small hints. For example, she was watching Rod Parsley (a televangelist) yesterday and I made a comment about his preaching tactics. He does that typical, over-the-top, Hellfire and Brimstone approach that, honestly, has always turned me off. It’s God, you weirdo, not GAH-Wahd! And is it really necessary to yell at random intervals in the middle of your sentences? Do you think I’m deaf, or just stupid? I don’t know. I’ve just never liked that kind of preaching. The God I know is a God of “sound minds,” not a God of out of control, overly emotional hysterics. Anyway, I said something along the lines of, “Goodness Mr. Parsley! Is it necessary to yell like that?” I was talking to the television, you know. When I said that, Mom got pretty defensive. “SOME of us were RAISED in churches like that! There was a time when this was the NORMAL way to PREACH! There’s nothing wrong with being ENTHUSIASTIC about speaking GOD’s WORD! You shouldn’t get OFFENDED just because it’s something you’re not USED TO!”
I listened and agreed that, no, it doesn’t make sense to take offense over something just because you’re not accustomed to it. I just don’t like people screaming random words at me for no good reason. I don’t like any commercial with Billy Mays in it, either (the guy that does the OxyClean commercials, among others). I will change the channel when I see his hairy mug. I also boycott any products he peddles, just on principle. I change the channel when a car commercial comes on that’s screaming, too. As with small children, I just don’t think that yelling and screaming (and crawling on the pulpit floor, Mr. Parsley) is an effective way to communicate. If you like it, more power to ya.
So, after that, for the rest of the day, I kept hearing little comments about people who “over-intellectualize” their religion. Spiritual vs. emotional. Law vs. grace. That kind of thing.
The funny thing is, Mom doesn’t usually get so overwrought about things like this. She’s a pretty even-keeled person, herself. I do take after her, after all, and she hates Billy Mays as much as I do. Maybe she was just having a moment. Who knows? Benefit of the doubt, right?
Anyway, for all the stuff I got done yesterday, there were some pretty tense moments. I don’t like tension in the house between the adults. It’s hard enough for all of us to live together. I don’t want to be the cause of a problem.
And just for the record, Mom seems just fine today. I haven’t said anything about yesterday and neither has she. If she can act like nothing ever happened, I’ll be glad to play along.
Also for the record, consumed today:
-3/4 cup of coffee with cream and suger (threw the rest out!!)
-1/2 an egg & potato taquito from Whataburger (threw the rest away!!)
-1 turkey sandwich, eaten 1/2 at a time with several hours between halves
-2 sticks of string cheese
-4 Brach’s “Mellow pumpkins”
-most of 1 bag (100 cal. pack for quantity control) of baked cheetos (YUM!)
-most of 1 bag (90 cal. pack for quantity control) of mini cheddar cheese rice cakes
-1 ten-ounce bottle of juice
-1 diet cherry-vanilla Dr. Pepper
-LOTS of water
Again, for the record, the 100- and 90-calorie packs are not chosen because of the caloric values of them. I really like the mini flavored rice cakes and I prefer baked cheetos over the regular kind (baked are crunchier). The “100-cal” packs that food manufacturers are putting on the shelves these days are a good option for me because the food in them is the regular food you get in the big bags, but they’re portioned smaller to keep them at around 100 calories or so. I guess that 100 calories of chips or cookies is about what my body wants, though, because when I’m hungry and craving a snack, one of these little bags is just about right!
