I feel like a yo-yo.  Yesterday I felt lethargic and hopeless, and today I feel pretty good.  I’m a little concerned about being behind on schoolwork (that’s what I get for taking the weekend off), but other than that, I feel pretty much back to normal.

I don’t know if that little bout of depression was food-induced, or stress-induced, or just God’s way of saying that I needed to take some additional time off to be with Him.

If it was that last one, it worked.  God?  Could you maybe try a different approach next time?  I really don’t like feeling near-suicidal over life in general.

Of course, it could have just been a spiritual attack that I actually responded appropriately to.  Instead of getting mad at God for letting me get into such a foul mood, I pressed into Him and sought His guidance on what could be wrong, or what I needed to do to change things.

It’s too easy to forget to stay faithful and obedient when the going gets tough.  It’s also too easy to blame God for every bad thing that happens to you.  But sometimes, you’re the cause of your own bad experience, and other times it’s an attack by the Enemy.  Either way, it’s a good excuse to get ever closer to God.  It’s when things are down for us that He can really shine through and you can learn so much about the character of this Great Being that we serve.

So, yesterday, I was on my knees (proverbially) begging for His forgiveness for whatever I may be doing wrong and pleading for insight on what I needed to be doing to improve my mental state.  Through it all, I praised him for each new breath I took, because sometimes I just didn’t have the energy to take another one.  Yet I did.  Through all four days (Thursday through Sunday), I maintained obedience in what I ate, how much and when.  In fact, I was too tired to eat most of the time, so not eating was easy for a change!  I continued to read the Bible study I’m working on.  I would pick up the Bible I have in the bathroom when I’d retreat there to weep yet again, and just find a random page to read.  Even if I found no comfort, I did find distraction and I was spending time with God instead of staying self-centered.  I praised God for my loving and understanding family.  They all knew something was wrong, but they also knew that bugging me about it would just make it worse.  They gave me the space that I needed to work through whatever it was that was wrong.  And I really, really praised God for my husband.  The touch on the shoulder, the kiss on the neck, the hug from behind when I was fixing a dinner I had no desire to eat.  The willingness to listen when I would try to talk my way through what was wrong (with no result).  All these things, and more, reconfirm just how blessed I am to have him in my life.

Today, I actually had the physical sensation of the weight being lifted.  It was while I was walking through the school parking lot into the building to my first class this morning.  As I was pulling my things from my car, I kept feeling a cool, gentle breeze.  It was wonderful!  And, considering that it was nearly 90 degrees outside when I got to school, it was totally out of place (hence the reason I noticed it).  I love fall weather, and that breeze reminded me that the season is not far away.  It made me truly happy to think that the unbearable heat would soon be over for a few, blessed months.  As I slowly began to walk toward the building, each step felt lighter and lighter.  And that glad feeling never left.  Even my mother commented tonight that I must be feeling better because my “smartass gene has kicked back in.”  LOL!  She’s SO right!  I can be a bit of a smartass.  It’s because I can usually find some kind of levity and/or humor in whatever situation I’m in.  And that’s what made this past weekend even harder to deal with.

Regardless of what may or may not have been going on, I’m glad it’s over.