Three-day Weekends Are Just Not Long Enough Sunday, Feb 24 2008

The plan for Saturday?  Shot to hell.  Yesterday, instead of getting some homework done, taking the family to the eye doctor, then getting some more homework done, I spent the morning at the emergency room with my husband.

He’s fine, thanks for asking.

You see, he has a condition that he was born with called “blebs”.  They are little spots on his lungs that pop, like a balloon, and let air into the space between his lungs and his chest wall.  The flap that the spots create work like one-way valves.  They let the air escape his lungs, but won’t let it back in.  So, once a couple of blebs pop, the air builds up between his lung and chest wall.  The air will press on the lung and eventually make it collapse.  He had it surgically fixed years and years ago, but every once in a while he gets strange pains in his chest that are reminiscent of the feeling of a lung collapsing.  And, as anyone who has had any kind of surgery will tell you, any pain or unusual sensations at or near the surgical site sends painc running through your brain.  Well, yesterday he panicked.  Turned out to be simple “chest wall pain,” which is the same as saying, “you pulled a muscle in your chest, dude.”  He’s taking anti-inflammatories and pain killers and is feeling much better.

Just as an aside, the emergency room sucks.

Since I got to spend my morning stuck in a hospital for no reason (and not for the first time), I rescheduled our eye appointments for next Saturday, took my family out to a well-deserved lunch and watched a couple of movies with my mom when we finally got home.  To make up for it, I’ve been going like gangbusters today and have knocked out all the assignments I had on my to-do list for three different classes.  And I’m almost through with laundry.  And…dinner is ready.  I still have differential equations homework to look at, but that’s all I really have left  to do.  I’ve been putting off getting started on it today, because I’ve had a lot of interruptions.  Interruptions are never conducive to getting math homework done.  What I think I’ll do is get to school pretty early tomorrow.  I’ll be able to get a bunch of math homework done, as well as getting a small head start on this week’s assignments in computer class. 

And now that I’m thinking about it, I have Problem Solving homework I need to attend to.  Forgot about that. 

Today’s interruptions (the ones I was talking about just a couple of paragraphs ago) were brought to you by: the husband and his quest to upgrade our computer monitors to flat-screens (pretty flat screen…), the child and his endless narration of his video games, the mother and her always-ringing cell phone, and the father with his need to vent about goings-on at work.  And, just in the past few minutes, by Ms. Sabrina and her need to sleep on the warmth that our old CRT monitors put out, only finding that there is no platform on which to lay any longer.  She’s flung herself at my new monitor twice and cannot for the life of her figure out where I put the rest of it.  She’ll sit on my desk and look at the front of the screen, then lean back and stare at the back of it, then look at me as if to say, “Why’d you broked it, Mama?  Where my bed?”

She is tres unimpressd with the new technology.

2 Responses »

 

My Mad Errand-Running Skilz Saturday, Feb 23 2008

This weekend must be The Weekend To Run Errands.  Unfortunately, I need it to be a more normal Get Your Homework Done Damnit weekend.  I have tons of homework to do, but I won’t really get a chance to really focus on it until Sunday.  I’ll get some of it done tomorrow, but my time will be interrupted with things like eye doctor appointments and shopping errands.

I’ve finished my first round of exams.  It seems that about 1/3 of the way into the semester, all of my teachers give the first exam of the season.  This has been the norm since my very first semester in college.  I’ve only gotten two grades back so far, and they’ve both been perfect scores.  I’m really happy with that.  I’ll get grades in Survey of Reading and Differential Equations next week, but I’m not really worried about either.  I was surprised that Diff Eqs was as “easy” as it was, (I use “easy” in a very relative sense here.) and I wouldn’t be surprised if I made an A on that test.  I love getting top grades on the first tests and assignments of the semester.  It makes the whole rest of the semester go that much easier.  There’s no scrambling later on to figure out what grade you need to make on the final to pass.  I had to do that last semester, and it’s not a happy place to be.

My plan to withdraw a bit from my fellow students worked out magnificently, by the way.  I just need to remember that I don’t find my acceptance or happiness in the people I go to school with.  These things, for me, are found elsewhere.  I have the assurance of my family to fall back on and don’t really need anything from anyone else.  In this, I am extremely fortunate.  I do not envy those young things at school who are still looking for a husband, or even just a date.  I am able to focus on school in a way the younger crowd doesn’t.  When I am between classes with time on my hands, I can always find something school-related to occupy myself with.  Doing this keeps me fully prepared for class and on top of my homework.  In fact, I could choose to forego all but one homework assignment this weekend (that one is due tomorrow by midnight – online – so I can’t skip it) and would still be able to get all of it done in between classes next week.  I would be rushed and wouldn’t have time to do other, more preparatory things, like reading the textbook, but I know that I have the option.  Because of that, I am not worried about what I do or don’t get done for school this weekend.  I’ll get done what I get done, and the rest can and will be dealt with next week.

This whole situation culminates in a great lack of stress in my life now.  I’m not as frustrated with my classmates.  Their opinions don’t matter as much to me as what I’m learning in class does.  I am starting to double-check myself less because I know that I’ll have time to get everything done, if it’s not already, and I know that I am prepared for anything my teachers will throw my way.  If this is how I feel after just a week, imagine how much happier I’ll be in a month!

I kid.  By next month, I’ll be complaining about something else.  You know I will. 

Leave a Response »

 

I think I need a do-over Sunday, Feb 17 2008

Okay.  Last week?  Crap.  Total and utter crap.  But I’ve done it to myself, so I have no one but me to blame.  Let me explain.

I’ve known for a long time that most people don’t see the world the way I do, most people don’t think the way I do, and few people have the same work ethic I do.  Understand, though, that it’s rare for me to see your “different” view of the world as a “not as good as my” view of the world.  Different is just that – not the same.  I was raised in a home that was very strict and not exactly upper class.  Despite my parents’ efforts, we barely crossed the line into middle class.  I was told, and believe to this day, that you will never get everything you want.  You might occasionally get something you want, and most of the time you’ll have the majority of what you need, but it’s never cake and eat it, if you know what I mean.  I was also taught, and still believe, that regardless of what you have not gotten, you still have no right to be jealous if someone else has it.  What have you done to earn that thing you want?  What have you done to deserve it?  Living, breathing, eating, pooping, cleaning your room, being nice to your siblings, respecting your parents, doing your schoolwork – all these things are what you should be doing daily.  If that’s all you’re doing, you should expect no reward.  You don’t get rewarded for doing what you were supposed to do in the first place.  Because of this, I work very hard at the things I do.  I have a tendency to be a bit of a workaholic, and I know it.  I would give up my family without even realizing I did it, just to do my job better.  This doesn’t make me better than you in any capacity.  This only proves that I have a lack of balance in my life and require God to balance things for me.  This is an area of weakness.  Now, being willing to work hard for what you have?  That’s not a weakness, so much.  Forsaking everything so that you can work harder, longer, better?  That would be weak and unbalanced.

Anyway, since 2004, my job has been to go to school.  I embarked on this journey with my eyes open.  I had a feeling that my faith would be challenged – and it has been.  I figured that I would have to work hard to pass – and I have.  I knew that I would struggle with keeping my schoolwork balanced with the time I make for my family – and it has been a monumental struggle.  I also knew a few other things.  Most students weren’t as interested in the learning process as I was.  They were there to make a grade, get a degree, and go to work.  I was there for those same things, but I cared passionately about the thing I was studying.  I still do.  This passion is what drives me to want to understand every nuance of the classes I take.  The result is usually a pretty good grade.  I spent the first couple of years in college with straight A’s, and have still only made a handful of B’s.  Nothing lower.  Yes, I’m proud of my grades, but I’m prouder still of the things that I understand and know now.  Because I knew of this difference between me and the rest of the students, I knew that I needed to keep a distance between us.  I also had a wider perspective of my role in a classroom.  Yes, I was a student, there to learn, but I also knew that I could hold my own in a conversation with any of my teachers, and could easily be that person who dominates the class discussion.  I knew I would have to keep a rein on myself and my mouth and allow other students the chance to participate.  I was not the teacher yet and it was not my place to correct anyone.  It was my place to listen attentively, take notes, answer when a question was asked of me, occasionally toss in a comment to show that I was participating, do my homework, and be done with it.  Last semester, I stepped beyond this place, and have taken another step beyond this semester.  It’s been my biggest mistake since going back to school.

That wall between me and the rest of the students needs to be in place and intact.  I was hoping that I would encounter a different quality of students once I started attending UHCL.  After all, these are folks who had to get through the classes at the freshman and sophomore level to get here, so they must be more serious students, right?  I could not have been more wrong.  I have allowed myself to become too involved with other students at school.  This has led me to wrongly think I could interject more during my classes.  I was wrong.  These people are no more motivated to learn and think for themselves than the students at the junior college level are.  They are there to get a grade, get a degree and get a job.  No more.  But I want more!  I want to grab onto these subjects and really sink my teeth into them!  I want an open and honest discourse with people who know how to spell “macabre” and who know that there are two different kinds of gorilla (guerrilla) in this world!  I know this sounds so snobby, but I would like to be in classes with SMARTER people!!!  Is that too much to ask?  I don’t ask for perfection (God forbid), but I do ask for some sign that they’ve taken a few college classes before this!  Somehow, I have to resign myself to the fact that the college I am attending does not seem house this kind of student.

The problem goes even deeper.  As my eyes have been opened to the quality of student I’m in school with, I am also becoming increasingly aware that the teachers of these students are no better.  It makes sense for things to be this way, since the teachers can only produce a student like themselves.  The problem is that I have allowed my growing disdain to show just a little too much.  I have allowed my personal judgement to get involved.  I have judged, and that’s not my place.  This disdain, this judgement, is coloring my attitude during class and about my assignments.  Who do I think I am, calling an assignment trite and a waste of time?  It’s my job to do the assignment, not call it names!  I have forgotten a cardinal rule of my own making: Every class and every assignment, regardless of how ignorant it seems, can be a learning experience.  It’s up to me to find the educational experience in it.

So, this week I begin anew.  The wall will be back, the distance a familiar comfort.  I need the constant reminder that these people, these students in my classes, can only be a distraction to me and can only help me to fail.  They are not the reason I do what I do.  They are not the judge of me.  Their friendship is not important.  I am in school, not by any merit of my own, but because God put me there and paved my way to it.  I am successful in school, not by any efforts I have made, but because I am doing the work God set me to.  Sniffing around for conversation and companionship is a waste of what God has given me.

I had a mantra at my last job - one that saved me a lot of grief while working in close quarters with other people for long periods of time.  “Go in, do your job, go home.”  No more, no less.  My classes are my job.  I forgot my mantra.

5 Responses »

 

Whoop-dee-freakin’-doo Thursday, Feb 14 2008

I have been in such a bad mood today.  I’m just grumpy.  I think it actually started on Tuesday, but I didn’t really get the full effect of it yesterday because I only had one class and I actually like the people that are in it with me.  Today, though, is a totally different story.  Everyone is an idiot today.  Yes, even you, I’m afraid. 

I had to (damn, I just threw my book on the floor of the computer lab. I guess it’s an idiot as well…) post a “reflection” on the unit I just finished for Computer Use in the Classroom.  It’s essentially a web-based class with a bare excuse of face-to-face classroom time.  For every unit you finish, you have to post a message on a private discussion board that only you and the teacher sees, discussing what you learned in the unit and how it can be applied to use in a classroom.  I don’t mind doing them; I don’t mind writing, in general.  But this unit really, really bugged me.  The assignments required for the unit actually made me angry at one point because of their triteness (is that even a word? I don’t care.) and pointlessness.  So, smart me, I let loose in my reflection over the unit.  The software we’re using is stupid, the assignments had little or nothing to do with the career I’m going into or the unit I just read in the book.  I feel like this whole class is a waste of my time.  One of the assignments was just an excuse for busy work designed to generate another grade. 

Yes, I actually put that last sentence in my reflection.

Here’s where part of my frustration comes.  Tuesday, I went to Astronomy and the teacher was giving us back the test we took last Thursday.  He pulled me aside as I was walking into the classroom and let me know that I made a perfect score on the test, then asked if he could share this information with the class.  (Okay, getting a perfect score was TOTALLY not a big deal.  This class is soooo easy…)  Then, just before he announces to the class that some jackass blew the curve (that’d be me), he says that the class average was 73.  That’s the average score, which means that some people actually failed this test.  It boggles.  “But,” he says smugly, “we did have one perfect score, Mrs. Blah.”  Everyone turns to look at me.  Now, I did make the mistake of telling him that I didn’t have a problem with his announcing my grade.  I had no idea, though, of how he was going to go about it.  Immediately I started hearing whispers of “curve” and “blown.”  Of course.  Because it’s my fault that you have the intellect of a very small monkey.  That was dropped on it’s head shortly after birth.

Here’s the part that really pissed me off.  Not only did I get every answer right, including the dreaded math problem, but I also got the bonus question right, which really surprised me because I wasn’t sure I knew what he was looking for.  Anyway, the back of the last page of my test is covered in red ink.  The teacher’s writing.  The last question was a short answer, asking to describe, in my own words, why we have seasons.  Now, have you ever known me to be non-prolific in how I write?  No.  Am I ever short-winded?  No!  However, I do know enough to not give him a five-page thesis on where the seasons come from.  I also know enough to give as complete an answer as I know how to give with my limited knowledge thus far.  I wrote one and a half paragraphs in response to his prompt.  He scathingly tells me, in red ink, that he doesn’t appreciate “snowstorms” and that, in the future, any response beyond what is necessary to answer the question will be disregarded and ungraded.  Then he X’d through the last part of my answer, showing that what he’d considered unnecessary this time was also disregarded and ungraded.  Just to make sure I hadn’t actually given him a “snowstorm,” I re-read my answer.  Yeah, I could have taken out a phrase here and there and given him incomplete sentences and monosyllables, but that’s NOT how a college student should be writing – even for a science class!  A “snowstorm” implies that I was trying to fool him into thinking that I had the right answer when, in reality, I was just trying to bullshit my way through.  I know what it is!  How DARE he accuse me of such a thing?!?  And what in the world was he thinking, saying that the ONE student who made a perfect score “snowstormed” her way through the short-answer part?

Do NOT get me started!

I’m sure it didn’t help that, just before I went to Astronomy on Tuesday, there was a bit of hubbub in my Reading class.  Yeah, it involved me and my big mouth, and also another adult who reacted to an innocent (really!) comment as if she was still in junior high.  So, I walked in pissed off and Mr. Astronomy just pissed me off even more.  So, today, everybody gets pissed off me. 

Congratulations, Mr. Astronomy.  Ya’ freakin’ ass.

And now that I’m grumpy about all of it again, I get to go to Problem Solving and take a test.  Hooray.

Leave a Response »

 

is it spring yet? Friday, Feb 8 2008

I think I’m ready for Spring to be here.  As much as I love cold weather and abhor being hot, I really do think I’m ready to see some green trees and flowers.  And I would really, really love it if my toes weren’t numb from cold.  Of course, I say this on a day that is currently 74 degrees.  But I’m cold.  Maybe I should spend some time outside.

Nah.

I made it through the week with all assignments done and turned in on time.  I was a bit pressed to get it all done, but I made it.  And, surprisingly, I don’t really have a huge amount of homework to deal with this weekend.  Oh, sure,  I could bog myself down with reading and note-taking that would certainly make me more prepared for next week and any tests that are coming up, but I don’t feel the pressing need to, so I’m not gonna.

My husband did our taxes last Sunday, and it took me until today to finally get around to filling out my FAFSA for next year.  I should only be at UHCL for one semester next school year, but that semester has to be paid for somehow.  Tax/financial aid time (they always fall at the same time of year) is probably the only time of the year that I’m thankful for a lack of money.  I had an old classmate of mine teach me a new term for this time of year – the time of the year where you anxiously await your tax refund: Taxmas.  How appropriate. 

So, conversations have been tossed around about what we’re planning on doing with our Taxmas check this year.  Our number one priority: glasses.  No, not the drinking kind.  All three of us need to be able to see better and someone’s lenses (Kiddo) are so scratched up, I just don’t know how he sees anything.  The hubby has threatened to get his old style of glasses – the ones that look like he stole them from Napoleon Dynamite.  I’ll kill him if he does.

Other than adjusting our vision, I’m not sure what else we’re doing with the money.  Some of it will certainly go towards my car to try and get it paid off sooner, and some of it will go into my Summer School Fund.  Sure would be nice to open a savings account again…  We’ll just have to wait and see how far we can stretch it.  Actually, now that I’m really thinking about it, now would be a good time to see about getting the hubby a new computer.  He’s currently using a laptop that’s about 6 years old and can’t be upgraded anymore.  It’s slow, the video chokes on the simplest of games, and there’s not nearly enough RAM to run current programs.  It’d be nice to get him back on a desktop.  Again, we’ll just have to see.

That’s all I’ve got for today.  It’s quiet around here, since we’re all doing the same ‘ol, same ‘ol.  I’m still sick, but not as sick as the last entry.  By this time next week I’ll be saying, “What cold?”  If anything exciting happens, I’ll be sure to let you know. 

One Response »

 

Snuffle Wednesday, Feb 6 2008

Well, it’s almost a week later and I’m still sick.  I’m not as bad as I was this weekend, but the cold is still lingering.  I’ve spent the whole week doing catch up from what should have been done last weekend.  So far, I’ve managed to get what due next done on time.  Tomorrow is my last day for the week, so I’m hoping I can end out the week on a positive note.  I have a test in Astronomy, though, that I haven’t really spent any time studying for.

Actually, I take that back.  I haven’t spent any time specifically studying for this test, but I’ve done almost all of the reading, I’ve taken notes in class, and I’ve done all of the homework.  Furthermore, I’ve understood everything we’ve done up to this point, and quite a bit of it has been a repeat from my physics classes.  So, I’ve done the work to be able to pass.  I do have some reading that I haven’t done yet, but the professor has gone over all of it in class.  Just to be safe, I’m going in to school early tomorrow so that I can read the bits that I haven’t gotten to yet, and to go over my notes again.  I’m not worried.

Things are moving right along in school so far.  This is week four, so we’re a month into it.  I always feel like I’m under a little pressure to make sure I’m not forgetting any assignments, but I feel like that every semester.  Maybe this semester is a little more intense than before, but not by a lot.  I do think that if I had decided to take three math classes again, I’d be singing a different song!  Two was definitely the way to go.

Outside of schoolwork, there are other things that I am falling behind on.  I haven’t filled out my financial aid paperwork yet and it took me two weeks to get around to balancing my checkbook.  I need to meet with my advisor at school to finalize the changes I wanted to make to my degree plan.  There are piles of papers on my desk that need to find homes in the filing cabinet.  The floors in the house desperately need to be vacuumed, and my bathroom is quietly becoming a hazardous waste site.  All of the wastepaper baskets in the offices and bedrooms are full or overflowing.  It’s just papers, but still.  I have a letter that I’ve been trying to finish for a week, and another letter that I’ve been trying to remember to mail for 2 months.  And the cats are almost out of food.

Sigh.  I hope this weekend is better than the last.

Leave a Response »

 

Sniffle Sunday, Feb 3 2008

I have been so sick for the past 5 days.  The only good thing I can say about it is that at least I’m getting sick now and not during finals week.

I always wonder, when I get a cold, how the human body can create such massive quantities of mucus and not drown?  Today I’m actually feeling a bit better, but it’s only because I finally got the right combination of medications in me and I slept better last night because of them.  Store brand cold and allergy meds just don’t cut it for me anymore.  I was taking the Wal-Mart version of Mucinex (c) and Benadryl (c) and it was like I was taking nothing.  But my lovely husband went to Walgreen’s yesterday and picked up the real things for me.  Once I took them, plus some Sudafed (c), I was feeling much better.  I couldn’t stay awake for the life of me, but I felt better and could breathe. 

Because I’ve felt like crap, I haven’t gotten anything in the way of school work done all weekend.  I was tired because I wasn’t sleeping because I was coughing constantly or I couldn’t breathe or both.  Then, the meds I would take would make me even more tired, but weren’t helping my symptoms.  Today, though, I actually feel rested and I’m ready to get some of my homework done.  I have a group assignment for Survey of Reading due by midnight tonight that I decided I ought to tackle first, but I wasn’t able to log into WebCT.  So, I tried to get into the E-services section of the UHCL website but it insisted that I needed to change my password first.  So, I did, but then I had to go back and re-log in.  Only, when I tried to log in again, the system told me that my password, the one I had just changed to, was not valid.  So, I had the system email me a new password.  Maybe it didn’t like the one I chose.  I got the email immediately, went back to E-services and tried to log in, but now the whole UHCL website is down.

I broke UHCL’s internet.

I really have to have access to WebCT to get this assignment done, and until things are back up and working, I’m stuck.

I guess I’ll go blow my nose for a few minutes and then come back to see if the website is working.

Leave a Response »