Wow. How weird is it to write 2012? I can remember when I was a high school senior thinking that 2012 would be a year so far in the future, I probably would never see it. And if I did, I’d be old and decrepit and going around town in my flying car.
This is my 20-year high school reunion. Scary.
Four years ago I graduated from college. Cum laude.
Last year, I began the search for a surgeon to perform weight-loss surgery. I was SO SURE I was going to have the bypass, and didn’t want anything to do with the sleeve, and look what I got. Hah!
I also weighed over 320 pounds one year ago today. At my first visit with the surgeon, I officially weighed 315 pounds, but I know I was a little heavier before that. Today, I weighed in at 238 pounds (up two pounds from the lowest, but that’s holiday eating for you (reminder to self: MUST GET RID OF COOKIES BEFORE YOU EAT THEM ALL!)). I’ve lost 77 pounds so far, and I don’t intend to stop there.
As I mentioned above, my eating has really been bad these past two weeks. LOTS of carbs. I’m getting some protein, but clearly not enough, as evidenced by my larger-than-usual appetite. I’m hungry more often, which means I’m not giving my body what it needs to be fueled for longer periods. Going back to work tomorrow will actually help that. Sitting around the house has always been an issue. I’m not as physically active, so I’m not burning as many calories, yet I eat at least as much, if not more, than I normally do. And I have access to much less healthy food. Oh, I have access to foods I SHOULD be eating, but I have more access to foods I SHOULDN’T be eating than when I’m working.
I’ve really got to figure out this whole eating when on break thing, otherwise, I’m going to gain EVERYTHING back over the summer!
(Aaaaand I just looked up the nutritional info on black eyed peas. Not bad in protein, but the carbs??? Good lord! No wonder I was so hungry last night! There’s over two times the carbs as protein! Aack! AND I had corn bread! Well, no more “good luck” New Year’s food for me!)
New Year’s Eve was a very subdued event here. We didn’t go anywhere and Rick had to work. I spent too much time pinning stuff to Pinterest, caught up on internet reading, and worked a little on a cross stitch project I’ve been working on for two years. Rick came home around 9:30 with a few fireworks he picked up on the way home. At 11:30, we went outside to set them off and watched the neighbors set theirs off as well. Afterwards, Rick and I sat in the garage, watching the neighbor kids set off bottle rockets and firecrackers. Eventually, everyone either lost interest or ran out of things to set on fire, and they all went home. Rick, Joseph, and I sat for a little longer, enjoying the peaceful quiet that settled in, and talked for a while. Around 2am, we finally went inside and picked up our various activities where we left off. I think I went to bed around 4am.
I’m glad to be around to see another year come in.
This has been quite a year of changes for me and my family. Actually, it’s been quite a year of changes for me, now that I really think about it!
Mom and Dad are still retired and they accomplish less every day.
Mom sits around the house, playing Mah Jongg or Bejeweled 2 on her computer and sits on the couch in the living room crocheting and watching TV. There’s not a whole lot else she does anymore. The occasional shopping trip or doctor’s appointment – and never both in the same day – and she’s DONE. Okay, and I shouldn’t discount the fact that she’s cooking most of the family dinners these days. She “can’t sleep” quite often, and so is up until 3am or later most nights. She will sit up in bed watching DVDs of old movies or TV shows. If she’s feeling particularly restless, she will “ride her exercise bike” while watching those DVDs. She has a recumbent stationary bike and the seat is well padded and even has a padded back. It’s a very comfortable seat. Although, I’ve seen her “riding” that bike. Really, what she’s doing is sitting on her bike and sloooooowwwwly moving the pedals. I’d say her speed averages a few feet per hour. Really, REALLY slow.
Dad sits in his recliner and watches TV or naps, goes out to the storage shed in the backyard or the back porch or the garage to smoke, and empties the dishwasher. Sometimes, someone else empties the dishwasher, but since we usually run it at night once everyone has gone to bed, and Dad is usually the first one up in the mornings, he’s the one that puts up dishes. He gets annoyed with it sometimes, feeling like the family is “taking advantage” of him, but really, no one gets put out if he doesn’t put up dishes, but we’re all glad when he does. He does occasionally leave the house to drive up to his rental property to do a repair or lawn work or just to look the property over. That’s pretty rare, actually, because his current tenant is awesome, pays her rent on time, and takes care of the place. He’s over there today because she called about the kitchen sink leaking. It’s the first time he’s been over there in nearly a year. Almost every Saturday, he drives south of Houston to visit with his “friends” who are actually his drinking buddies and pot suppliers. Pot, as in the kind you smoke and not the kind you cook in. Oh yes, he’s quite the party animal. I’m not surprised by this since he’s been smoking it the whole time I’ve been alive – before I was conceived, even. I think HE would be surprised to know that I know, but that’s just him wanting to pretend that we all are normal people.
Rick goes to work and goes to school. There’s not a whole lot else going on for him at the moment. He’s three classes away from being able to get the certification, but he can only take two of them this next semester, and then will have to wait until next fall before he takes the last one. The school doesn’t offer what he needs during the summer, so we have a full year left of him taking classes. His work schedule is light – 20 hours a week or so – and the company is so crappy to its workers, but the people HE works with are fantastic. I’ve met his bosses/managers and they’re very nice and think a lot of him. The company would love to move him into a management position, but he’s turned them down more than once. I don’t blame him. Other than work or school, he comes home and plays on the computer, helps the neighbors with the computer and electronic issues (up to and including repairing broken DVD players and stereos, and showing them how to use their new cell phone). He does try to do lawn work to help Dad out, but gets tired of the constant criticism. He’s either done the work too soon, or he waited too long, or it’s too short, or something. He still tries, bless him.
Joseph is on break now, just like me, but doesn’t go back to school until Wednesday. He’s still taking all his classes, passing (barely in some cases, but passing), working at the country club occasionally. His girlfriend recently broke up with him, but not because she wanted to. He’s been in a bit of trouble recently, all stemming from the influence of one kid at school. First, he was caught smoking on the back porch. Then, two weeks later, he came home and tested positive for marijuana. I’m not proud to be putting this out there, let me tell you. We’ve done a lot of digging and found that the pot smoking hasn’t been going on for very long. He was curious, knew a kid that smokes it (ALL THE TIME), has sat next to this kid all the years he’s been in high school band and so has gotten “friendly” with him, so he felt safe in asking him to try it. The girlfriend doesn’t want that kind of mess in her life (TOTALLY DON’T BLAME HER!), so she broke up with him. She texts me every 3-4 days to see how he’s doing. I love that girl. Even if they never get back together, I still think she’s awesome. He’s been grounded (duh) ever since we found out (although we’ve suspected for a few months now, we were presented with a perfect opportunity to let him hang himself and then do a home drug test on him the day after Christmas. Kids are dumb.) and is understandably bummed. I have to say, he’s dealing with being in trouble quite well, but then, he’s home all the time right now. I get no complaints from him, he’s being very respectful. He’s not asking for any privileges, not even to inquire when he will no longer be grounded. Thankfully, his supplier isn’t in any classes with Joe, except for band, and is a year ahead of him. He’s not going to be allowed to participate in after school practices, and will be expected to come home immediately after school. This limits Joe’s opportunities to be around this kid. After this school year, if this other kid even finishes, he’ll disappear into the welfare crowd that lives in this area, smoking his dope and hoping that his crappy dead-end waiter job won’t suddenly start requiring random drug testing. The girlfriend that lives with him will end up pregnant before the year is out, ensuring their extended stay on the welfare rolls, and burying them even more completely in local trash anonymity.
To be honest, I can’t WAIT for that to happen.
My first instinct was to yank him right out of school and to finish his high school education at home. I still think it would be a good idea, but Rick talked me out of it – for now. Like I said, Joe is handling the situation well right now. He’s ashamed of what he’s done, he’s deeply unhappy with the idea that his parents view him through this new lens. I’ve made it clear that we can no longer trust him AT ALL and that he’s lost our respect. He’s working on showing us that he can be responsible and trustworthy, but it will take some time for us to believe him. I want to see how he handles things at school, though. At home, that other kid isn’t here. We can prevent Joe from having any interaction whatsoever with him. Not so much at school. We’ve confirmed through various sources that he and Joe have limited times they can interact at school and Joseph is under strict orders to STAY AWAY from the loser. But they sit right next to each other in band. There’s no getting around the necessity of communication during that class. I’m not above asking the band directors to switch Joseph to the other, lower band to cut even this communication off. But I need to see how Joseph is going to handle things. He is 17. In less than a year, he will legally be an adult. As long as he is living with me and is in school, I have some control and say in what he does and how he does it. But, once he’s 18, he can choose to not listen and there’s very little I can do about it. So, I’m very conscious of the fact that he needs to understand that even just trying drugs is a pathway to destruction. Nothing good will come of it and all he has to do is look around at our extended family to see that. However, a greater understanding needs to happen here. If Rick and I don’t handle this situation well, when Joe turns 18, we’ll lose him. We’ve always had a good relationship with our son, but moving into this new “adulthood” territory can be rocky – even with the most solid of relationships. I want to continue to be an influence in his life, even though I know he will choose to marginalize that influence for the next few years. Marginal is better than nothing! My parents did not handle their children becoming adults very well at all. Their relationship with my sister is almost nonexistent and it was very nearly broken for all time when it was my turn to leave the nest. I have a sacred duty to improve on what my parents did wrong. We haven’t perfected this whole parenting gig and we’ve made some monumental mistakes, but at least I can say that the mistakes we’ve made have been DIFFERENT than the ones my parents made!
Where was I going with all this? Bah, I don’t remember. This post is long enough as it is!
Happy New Year, everyone. Stay safe.
(Edited to add: I don’t believe Joseph’s experiments with pot are directly related to my father’s pot smoking. He’s never witnessed my dad smoking it, has no access to Dad’s stash, and is not encouraged by what it’s done to my father. My dad has never talked to Joseph about smoking it, and would never. If he knew (and no, we haven’t told my parents about this), he would shred the child up one side and down t’other for it. Indirectly though, Joseph has witnessed a grown person who has smoked pot for several decades, managed to hold down a good job, and lives in a nice house in a decent neighborhood. He didn’t die from smoking it. He doesn’t appear to be a raging drug addict, strung out and sleeping in his own waste. That knowledge, alone, makes the drug less taboo, which made him more open to being curious about it and seeking an opportunity to try it. This does not preclude the distinct possibility that he might have been curious enough to try it even without this influence. Suffice it to say that I am looking forward to the day we can move into our own home.)
